Recently on Facebook I have seen many friends share the link to a story about a blog post titled: Marriage Isn’t For You.
ViralNova reposted it and it is getting a lot of attention.
I have wanted to comment on some of my friends’ posts. But I just decided to write my own response to it.
Basically the blogger is saying, marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy.
I respect the guy’s view. But I disagree with it.
I am a child of divorce(s). Yes, plural. I won’t get into specifics.
I have seen too many people stay married for their kids or other reasons and they suffer being unhappy. (My biggest issue with staying married for the kids is that you are teaching your children that that is what a normal marriage looks like.)
I am not a fan of divorce. But I am realistic and know that it can be necessary. I think if your marriage gets to that point of true unhappiness (for whatever reason) you should not stayed married.
But I also think many take marriage lightly and get married before they are ready.
I take marriage very seriously because of my own past experiences. I am fully committed to my marriage of 10 years. Yup, just hit the double digits.
If you aren’t happy in your marriage how can you make someone else happy? Is it someone else’s job to make sure YOU are happy?
Because of my own issues, especially with co-dependence in the past, I would give my all to relationships, especially friendships. I loved and cared more than the other person did.
And guess what? I always got hurt. No friendship was ever matched in the dedication that I gave it. So I stopped doing that. I don’t want to feel left out, not cared about, forgotten and especially not abandoned. And I have felt all of that. And some of that was my own doing by putting myself too out there.
Yes, I do care about my husband and want to make sure he is happy and he feels the same way toward me. But before you can make anyone else happy you have to love yourself and make No. 1 happy.